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The Five Worst Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies

Arnold Schwarzenegger made an impressive number of great movies, but when he was bad, he was just plain awful. Forget about the famous bombs Last Action Hero and Jingle All the Way… compared to these stinkers they’re practically classics.

*Hmmmm are they really his worst? Please share your comment*
 Honorable Mention:Christmas in Connecticut (dir. Arnold Schwarzenegger, 1992)
See the list after cut...

We weren’t sure whether Christmas in Connecticut counted as a proper “Arnold Schwarzenegger Movie,” since the action legend directed but did not star in this TV movie remake of the classic Barbara Stanwyck comedy. It’s the only feature-length film Schwarzenegger ever made behind the camera (he also did a “Tales from the Crypt” episode that wasn’t bad), and while it’s not completely incompetent, it does sap all the humor and romance from the original film, creating an utterly forgettable experience that, come to think of it, totally deserves to be forgotten anyway. Dyan Cannon, Kris Kristofferson and Tony Curtis co-star, and each of them looks like they'd rather be somewhere, anywhere, else. Bah humbug.

 Raw Deal (dir. John Irvin, 1986)

Arnold Schwarzenegger feels totally miscast in Raw Deal, a lowbrow crime thriller about a cop going undercover in the mob, and a film that plays like a Charles Bronson movie with Schwarzenegger shoved in at the last minute. The plot is hard to follow, his alcoholic wife disappears for most of the movie, and the handful of ridiculous action sequences feel completely out of place in a movie that plays more like a realistic 1970’s thriller than a true example of badass cinema, a genre it sometimes segues into for no reason. Confused, confusing and barely competent, Raw Deal rubs us the wrong way.

 End of Days (dir. Peter Hyams, 1999)

Arnold Schwarzenegger vs. Satan sure seems like a neat idea, but director Peter Hyams apparently took no pleasure in bringing End of Days to the screen. The hackneyed script and ugly look to this film rob even Gabriel Byrne’s scene-stealing bravado of any real entertainment value, and the limp millennial apocalypse storyline feels like a relic of a very naïve cinematic age. Boring, stupid and ugly, we wouldn’t recommend End of Days if it were the last movie on Earth.

 Batman & Robin (dir. Joel Schumacher, 1997)

One of the most notoriously bad motion pictures of all time, Batman & Robin actually warrants its reputation thanks to a ridiculously bloated cast, campy but joyless plotting, and a strange turn from Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze, a villain who supposedly has no emotions but spends the entire film cracking bad jokes with a recurring “ice” theme. “Cool party!” “Let’s kick some ice!” “The Iceman cometh!” “You’re not sending me to the cooler!” Give it a rest, Arnold. Or rather… just chill out.

 Hercules in New York (dir. Arthur Allan Seidelman, 1969)

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s first movie is also damn near his worst, not to mention one of the worst movies ever made. Schwarzenegger (credited as “Arnold Strong”), plays Hercules, the Greek demigod who defies his father to return to Earth in 1960s New York City, where everyone is either an idiot or an offensive Jewish stereotype. The plot is almost nonexistent, every single joke falls flat and Arnold is just plain awful, particularly in the version of the film where they allow him to use his real voice (he was originally dubbed by an generic-sounding actor with only marginally more personality than Arnold could muster in 1969). Hercules in New York is borderline unwatchable.

 Junior (dir. Ivan Reitman, 1994)

As bad as all these other movies are, none of them are as inconceivably awful as Junior, a “comedy” with barely a single joke to its credit, good, bad or otherwise. The basic idea is almost funny – Arnold Schwarzenegger gets pregnant – but the horrifying sequence of events that follows is straight out of an early David Cronenberg movie, with a terrifying scene of a baby with Arnold’s face badly CGI-ed on top of it ranking amongst the most unexpected and unsettling scenes in movie history. Junior reunited Schwarzenegger with his Twins director Ivan Reitman, and his old co-star Danny DeVito, and it captured absolutely none of the magic of their previous collaboration. Unfunny, unsettling and unintentionally creepy, Junior is the absolute nadir of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career.
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