By request, this week's Pop The Question topic is a dark one: Who here has said "No, thank you," to a proposal of marriage?
We want to hear every last detail:
We want to hear every last detail:
- How did the proposal go down?
- Did you say no immediately or shortly thereafter? (Let's put some boundaries on the question to separate a no response from a broken engagement, yeah? This is totally arbitrary, but we'll go with a no-within-a month-of-the-proposal for this week's purposes.)
- How did you break the news?
- Was there a ring?
- How did he or she react? How did everyone else react? Was it so totally awful?
- Did you stay together afterwards?
- Tell us why you said no!!
A small sample of the advice:
If you are proposed to in private, try not to smile.
Can anyone explain to me why I find that so incredibly funny? Because I'm laughing like a loon over here. Also: What would you add to that article? Maybe we can come up with our own version of what to do and what not to do.
We'll gather 'round the old campfire on Thursday to exclaim over your best stories and review the guidelines for saying no that we cook up.
Oh, I can participate in this one..
ReplyDeleteI broke up with my ex in mid-December years ago. We had moved across the country for me to go to grad-school, but it immediately became apparent he was planning to live off my meagre student loan rather than work and contribute to the household. He even asked me to get a line of credit so he could buy himself an expensive home theatre system. (It was his dream to have one after graduating college, but apparently not to pay for it himself.) Anyways, I had to end it when in I did because he was about to sign a contract that would have stuck him in this college town for a year, and I wasn't going to last that long.
We head back to our hometown the next week for the holidays. On New Years Eve, he asks me to go to the zoo. One of 'our places'. I agree, not having any idea what was coming to me, thinking this is what I had to do to be a good ex-girlfriend. As we get to the Tiger enclosure (note: his favourite part of the zoo, not mine), he starts talking about how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I immediately freeze up and say "are you going to propose to me?" he says he was. I say "Don't."
We leave the zoo and go to a generic restaurant after that and eat lunch. I ask if there's a ring. There is, he shows it to me. Cost him $2,500. He didn't have $2,500 to his name though, so I ask him how he paid for it. He says he took the money out of his student line of credit, the one I had paid off months prior and which I thought was shut down (financial management was one of the reasons we broke up. He failed to understand why buying a ring with a line of credit when he had no income was indicative of the very problems that led to our split).
When I ask him why he thought it was a good idea to propose to me 2 weeks after I'd broken up with him, he replied "because you said you like surprises. I thought you'd be really surprised and really happy I surprised you."
I created an account JUST to reply to this.
ReplyDeleteI was a 19 year old college student, working as a deli clerk in a big chain supermarket. Somewhat stupidly, I had started 'dating' a co-worker of mine...who was 32. And also working at the supermarket. And also living with his parents. Up to that point I had only dated two guys in high school, so clearly I was enamored of his 'maturity'. HAHAHAHAHA
After about 6 months of crappy 'dates' and lack-luster sexual encounters (I was inexperienced but I KNEW that there had to be more to it) in addition to hiding our relationship from our parents - and his age appropriate girlfriend - I slowly started to distance myself from him. Eventually he got the hint (or so I thought.) We still saw each other at work but it was super awkward.
By the end of my sophomore year, I met a very nice boy at school - we went on fun dates, he was handsome, and more to the point, I wasn't ashamed to be in the relationship. When he graduated and secured a nice silicon valley job, I transferred universities and we made plans to move in together.
About a week before I was set to move I was working one of my last shifts at the supermarket. It was close to closing, the deli lights were off, and I was just mopping up. Who should walk in (destroying my freshly mopped floors?) 32-year-old child-man. He says something along the lines of "I love you" and "can't be without you" and then GETS DOWN ON ONE KNEE. Keep in mind - I had barely spoken to him for months. He pulls out a ring, which was - ugh. I mean, if I loved him back I'm sure I would have loved the ring, but it was that same ring that Will Smith gives to his lady in Independence Day - the one with the dolphin? I had never ever professed a love for dolphins or the sea - to this day I wonder if it was someone else's ring.
Obviously, I said no. He cried. It was so, so horrible. I ended up calling in sick until my last day of work, which coincidentally was his day off. I heard that he eventually married - no word on if he moved out of his parent's place or not.
For a while after that, I was pissed that THAT was my first proposal. But, at least I have a good story to share years later on DPA blog.
Oh, I can participate in this one..
ReplyDeleteI broke up with my ex in mid-December years ago. We had moved across the country for me to go to grad-school, but it immediately became apparent he was planning to live off my meagre student loan rather than work and contribute to the household. He even asked me to get a line of credit so he could buy himself an expensive home theatre system. (It was his dream to have one after graduating college, but apparently not to pay for it himself.) Anyways, I had to end it when in I did because he was about to sign a contract that would have stuck him in this college town for a year, and I wasn't going to last that long.
We head back to our hometown the next week for the holidays. On New Years Eve, he asks me to go to the zoo. One of 'our places'. I agree, not having any idea what was coming to me, thinking this is what I had to do to be a good ex-girlfriend. As we get to the Tiger enclosure (note: his favourite part of the zoo, not mine), he starts talking about how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I immediately freeze up and say "are you going to propose to me?" he says he was. I say "Don't."
We leave the zoo and go to a generic restaurant after that and eat lunch. I ask if there's a ring. There is, he shows it to me. Cost him $2,500. He didn't have $2,500 to his name though, so I ask him how he paid for it. He says he took the money out of his student line of credit, the one I had paid off months prior and which I thought was shut down (financial management was one of the reasons we broke up. He failed to understand why buying a ring with a line of credit when he had no income was indicative of the very problems that led to our split).
When I ask him why he thought it was a good idea to propose to me 2 weeks after I'd broken up with him, he replied "because you said you like surprises. I thought you'd be really surprised and really happy I surprised you."
We had dated for about three years, the last of which was long distance when I moved away for grad school. He was a smotherer and constantly hacking into my email and Myspace (Oh, the olden days!) accounts to check up on me - and rightly so, since I was essentially fucking every guy in sight.
ReplyDeleteAlmost a year into the long distance part of the relationship, he planned a two week vacation to Grenada, booked the plane tickets and hotel and everything. Since I was living in a different city, we had different flights and rendezvoused at the Madrid airport. As soon as I walked out of the arrivals, he got down on one knee in front of everyone. I was like "yeah, no." And said something to the effect of that not being the time nor the place.
The ring was fucking hideous and just the total opposite of my style. He made me wear it for a day, hoping that it would grow on me. In reality, it felt like a ton of bricks around my finger and I could swear that it was giving me a rash.
Thus began the most awkward two week vacation ever. Couldn't he at least have had the decency to wait until the last day, when I could have said no and simply gone our separate ways?! Instead, we were stuck in the same hotel room, drinking ourselves into oblivion to avoid the utter bleakness of the situation.