So you found yourself a great catch…now you need to figure out how to keep it! Often we’re so excited about being in a new relationship, we don’t realize our behavior can sabotage our love life.
Here are the Top 10 Relationship Mistakes to avoid…BEFORE killing your love buzz:
1. Neediness – We all need some attention and affection, however, needing to talk to your significant other several times a day “just to say hi”, non-stop texting, or needing to spend every minute of your free time together is just a turn-off! If your entire well-being is defined by the attentions of another person, you will eventually drive them far far away!
2. Lying or Misrepresenting – If you met through an online dating site…chances are you fudged the truth a bit as many do. However, this will come back to haunt you now that you’re in relationship. Saying “never married” when you’re actually “divorced” can make your mate wonder what else you’ve lied about, casting doubt at the beginning of your precious relationship. Be open and honest, establishing the trust from the beginning will set the right foundation for your relationship to grow.
3. Always Unavailable – If you’re always working, traveling or spending time with friends…without your significant other then you’re better off single! Let’s face it, you’ve worked hard to finally find someone you like, why not spend some quality time with the person to get to know them. If you don’t, they’ll get attention elsewhere and you’re back to dating online. Try to find the right balance between work and play…it makes for a healthier lifestyle.
4. Bringing up the ‘M’ Word – It’s tempting to push for a full-blown relationship, but trying to push for full commitment or marriage before it’s had time to percolate scares people away (ok, it mainly scares men away). Both halves of a new dating relationship need a warm-up period, to establish a friendship and have fun with no heavy expectations, obligations or future plans. Rushing into a commitment doesn’t give you time to establish a strong bond nor does it reveal your compatibility…or incompatibility.
5. Stalking Online – Facebook may bring people together but it’s also known to drive relationships apart. Social networks are the perfect stalking ground for someone to checkout your friends, gauge the competition and haunt your every move. Trouble arises when the person you’re dating doesn’t respond to your posts, or like your photos immediately…but they had time to “friend” another hottie. Any of these behaviors can send your brain into overdrive…forcing you to flaunt your relationship even more with countless lovey dovey comments, little heart or “I miss u” posts. Seriously, don’t make a fool of yourself!!
6. Making comparisons – Unless your goal is to date the same person over and over again (see previous blog on breaking your relationship patterns) you and every person you date have a fresh opportunity to get it right! If you compare the latest person in your life to the ones who came before, consider seeing a therapist to deal with your past issues first. If you start to judge someone because you think you see a familiar behavior (good or bad), that is you screwing up a new opportunity, not them. It’s good to learn from mistakes, but it’s best to start with a clean slate…with a smarter you!
7. Looking for Perfection – Women want romance and passion. Men want the body and brains. Or you just want something completely unattainable and unrealistic. Any way you look at it, we’re always striving for perfection…usually in the other person. Whatever you crave in a significant other, you can’t create it out of thin air. It talks time to learn about each other, your likes/dislikes, habits, passions, etc. So stop expecting your date to be your “dream” man or women. You’re never going to be Brad and Angelina (Hollywood perfection)…so, accept and embrace your flaws as well as your new love’s.
8. Harping on the little things – Making a big fuss out of every little thing that goes wrong or isn’t perfect will drive you both crazy. When you fixate on all those tiny little details, you lose focus of the big picture. It’s about appreciating the little good things, not dwelling on the bothersome ones that have you talking yourself completely out of love (everyone’s annoying at some point – even you), so pick your battles.
9. Friends or Foes – Friends and family are great to have around. They love and support you, what’s not to love? Ummm, well some friends can quickly turn into foes when they see you happy and thriving, especially if their relationships are in a downward spiral or worst yet…non-existent. Suddenly their advice on your relationship is filled with their baggage…beware! Running to your friends and family with every detail of your relationship is probably not a good idea, so try to work things out on your own. If you need some words of wisdom, pick friends who are in healthy relationships or really close friends/family who can stay objective.
10. Insecurity – Insecurity can attack even the most attractive and confident. It’s sudden and violent and once you’re in its grips you can be a goner. Insecurity is actually the culprit of all the relationship mistakes listed above. It can turn you into an ugly doubter, stalker, nitpicker, needy, “love me or I’ll die” dater.Insecurity is the voice in your head that tells you every action of another person means something about your worth and lovability. Don’t fall in this trap for it surely will result in a painful end of what could have been “the one”.
Read more How to Stay Connected.
Share your relationship mistakes and advice…spread the love!
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