Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.”
Mature love says, “I need you because I love you.”
~ Erich Fromm
Love is a word that is bandied around a lot and has many
different meanings. Here are three of them:
And then there is addictive love.
Romantic love is marinated in fantasy. Excitement rules the day. You are walking on air. He can do no wrong. You are the luckiest woman on earth. Nothing will ever come between the two of you.
But, alas, infatuation does not stand the test of time. As it wanes, either a couple breaks up (“that was a great love affair”) or it develops into seasoned love.
Addictive love
is marinated in desperation. You feel you cannot live without this person. You
need him to feel complete. Though you no longer feel good about yourself like
you did when you were “infatuated with him,” you, nevertheless, feel you can’t
leave him.
“But I love him” has become your song. Despite rarely
enjoying being with him, you love him. Despite being constantly criticized, you
love him. Despite crying about insults you've received, you love him. Despite
being afraid of his anger, you love him.
Clearly, addicted love does not listen to logic. It does
not respect reason. It does not give credence to other people’s counsel.
Despite your self-worth hitting a new low, you don’t leave the relationship.
Just like a drug addict, you cannot give up your drug of choice.
So, what’s to be done if you are or know someone who is
“addicted to love?” Take a first step by labeling it for what it is. It’s not
love; it’s addiction. Admit the truth. You fear losing him. You fear being
alone. You fear moving out of your comfort zone.
Once you summon up the courage to admit what your problem
is, then seek out the services of a psychologist who can offer you support
while providing you with the skills and strategies you’ll need to let go of
your addiction. Then, one day, I have no doubt that you will be ready for a
loving relationship that grows stronger and warmer as time goes on.
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